Well, last night it hit me really hard, that I need to do a lot more to make a future for Chris and I a possibility. I need to think less, do more, try harder and accomplish as much as I can because all of the time I spend in a less than productive way is time that I’m adding to the tally, days that we will go without seeing each other and that’s hard on both of us. I missed him so much last night that I cried. I’ve never felt like half of me was missing because I was without someone before. I’ve felt hollow, I’ve felt sick but I’ve never felt like I was missing a limb and that’s the only way I can explain it.

I’m not down about things, I’m just letting some of my recent realizations to make me set deadlines and get things done. I’m excited actually. I’m just glad that for once, I’m letting a powerful positive emotion to move me instead of letting powerful negative emotions control me the way I did for so long. And it’s all because I met two spectacular people, one of which I’ve fallen so completely in love with, and overcame my anxieties with a little help from both of them in ways I’m sure they’ll never even know.

But now it’s past 3am and therefore it’s my bedtime. I have some things to do when I wake up, so I’m gonna set my alarm to make sure I don’t sleep all day. Chris is already asleep, he started snoring while we were on the phone earlier. He’s so perfectly adorable. Now I’m just going to take my vitamins, snack on some veggies and watch Family Guy and Smurfs until I pass out.